Ida and Carol Beakes

In honor of Mother’s Day, the picture I chose from the album for today shows Ida Beakes with her daughter Carol. When I first started looking through my grandmother’s album, this is one of those photographs that I lingered over longer than the others. 

There are lovely period details in it, including the china, the chairs, Ida’s dress and the electrical outlet. Ida’s expression, though, and Carol’s positioning – snuggled up against her mother – are what make it poignant. Ida is spooning food to her daughter and it appears that they cherish that time together.

Whereas in the last photo I couldn’t be sure I had the right Wickham, I’m 100% that the mother in this picture is Ida Parthenia Beakes, born June 7, 1883 in Laurens, New York. She married George W. Beakes (born August 15, 1878) and the two were lifelong residents of Middletown. 

Their daughter Carol (Marion Carol) was born in December 1912, just a month before my own grandmother was born. The Beakes then moved to 30 Lenox Place in Middletown where they’d live for the next 26 years together. From 1914 to 1922, George was the teller at the Orange County Trust Company and in 1937 he was promoted to Assistant Secretary at the bank (at 59 years of age!)

The Beakes attended First Presbyterian Church alongside the Dunnings. Daughter Carol graduated from Middletown High School (class of 1930) and went on to the New Jersey State College for Women in New Brunswick, New Jersey. In 1934 she married Warren J. Buck:

BUCK – BEAKES

Warren James Buck, son of Louis I. Buck, 109 Monhagen Avenue, and Miss Marion Carol Beakes, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. George W. Beakes, were married Saturday at the bride’s home, thirty Lenox Place. The ceremony was performed by the Rev. Dr. Robert O. Kirkwood of First Presbyterian Church before a small assemblage of friends and relatives of the couple. There were no bridal attendants.

After a reception for wedding guests, Mr. and Mrs. Buck started on a wedding trip. Their home will be at 611 Cedar Lane, Teaneck, New Jersey.

Ida passed away on August 20, 1976 at 93 years old. Her obituary states that she lived the last years of her life at 104 Academy Avenue and passed away at Horton Memorial Hospital. “Surviving her is a son-in-law Warren J. Buck of Norwalk Connecticut and several cousins in Middletown,” it said

Which made me think, what happened to Carol? 

You can’t imagine how stunned I was to pull up the New Jersey papers and find that she had taken her own life at 23 years old. Two short years after he officiated her marriage, in effect, Rev. R. O. Kirkwood officiated a private funeral service for her at the home of her parents.

Friends, I had a good cry about this in my car on the way to pre-K pickup. 85 years after the fact, I cried that Carol didn’t have the resources she needed to get well. I thought how tragic it would have been for her parents and her husband who must have wanted her happiness so much.

Most of all, maybe, I felt sorry for Ida, who sent her to Brownies, to summer camp in Parksville, NY, who watched her recite “God Loves Me” in front of the church, and even to college after the breakdown in High School. I felt so sad for Ida who must have felt that marriage would be a balm for her, that now her daughter might be safer.

But her daughter’s untimely death wasn’t the end of the story for Ida. The darkness didn’t overcome the light. Ida lived 40 more years, in service to others as evidenced by just a handful of later newspaper clippings:

October 27, 1938: “Mrs. George Beakes will represent 1st Presbyterian Church tomorrow morning from nine until noon when they conduct the sale for the blind on West Main Street.

December 13, 1938: “Mrs. George Beakes was appointed chairman of a committee to plan Christmas dinners for several needy families”.

What’s more, at her passing, she gave a substantial endowment to First Presbyterian Church that likely allowed the church to function for many more years. Thanks to Ida, my sisters and I grew up there, just like Carol and my grandmother and countless other children before and after. I can’t speak for others but the faith I learned there has gotten me through some dark times myself.

So in honor of Ida and of mothers everywhere here is a poem. I hope you enjoy it and send you all a big hug.

Mom's Words

Hungry? Tired? Baba? Sissy?
Mama? Dada? Boo boo? Kissy?
So big, so big, peekaboo!
No, that outlet’s not for you!

Oopsie daisy, you’re OK
Clean up, pick up, put away
Yummy veggie, one more bite
Jammies? Teeth? We said good night!

I’m coming! Later. I don’t know.
Just turn it off. ‘Cause I said so.
Uno! Sorry! Life is tough.
Stop yelling. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH.

Thank you? Did I hear a please?
Put that coat on ‘fore you freeze.
Don’t be fresh. Don’t slam that door!
All strapped in? I love you more.

- Martha Gonzalez